the hating machine

2002-12-21T21:17:00.000-05:00

Freedom

First day of winter break! Woohoo! Celebrate! I have so much filling up my schedule... geez... just like last year. Some relatives are coming over! Yay! Just the sad thing is that I'm getting invited to all these things from my friends. And, yes, I LOVE doing things with my friends, but I dunno... I enjoy doing stuff with my family more. I'm just totally free with my family; I can be my sarcastic, people-hating, male species-loving self with them. I HATE BLAIR. BLAIR IS STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID. I want to snap everyone of their petty necks like twigs and flush their blood down the toilets and throw their necks (the inside-ish stuff) and their brains down Blair from the second floor and then throw their heads against the portable walls. Splat splat splat. What nice graffiti it'd make. Despite my love of vampires, I wouldn't drink their blood because those people are way too gross. UGH! I hope none of the Blair staff members have access to this, although I should probably put this in my BEN account. But, what the heck? My parents know I hate them this much. THEY'RE GOING TO @#$@#$! GIVE ME A LOSS OF CREDIT IN HEALTH CLASS! HEALTH CLASS!!! Can you believe that??? HEALTH CLASS! Their stupid attendance people seem to not understand that I've called them 2123412 billion times to fix my schedule during the summer and it's STILL not fixed!!! So, because of that, I get unexcused absences in a class I was excused for. Geez. I talked with the teacher and everything. I mean, these days were for the sniper and a field trip! I must have this stuff logged somewhere and I did give them an absence letter. Geez! I made my teacher SIGN that field trip thing. And I'm still unexcused!? I hate this. Ugh.

Anyways, from seeing Koyel's LiveJournal, I've learned of www.quizilla.com . Interesting place. I took the "What type of Goth are you?" Quiz and this is what I got:

What kind of Goth would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're a Mansonite! You're not even Goth, really. In fact, you're probably just trying to piss someone off by ripping off certain elements of the superficial Gothic look. There may still be hope, though. Break your Manson, Korn, Slipknot, and Papa Roach CDs and pick up some music by Siouxsie, the Sisters, or Alien Sex Fiend. If you hate it, move on to posing as a raver, that's where the shock value is these days.

Duh I'm not a goth. But I like the Mansonite thing. He is not a poser. Nope. And I'd never ditch my KoRn and Manson for their @#$^. But it's cool that they mentioned them. Yay!

2002-12-16T22:36:00.000-05:00

Devoured

Marilyn Manson has a very beautiful journal on the official site -- > Marilyn Manson.com.
I am very, very uncreative and typing is way too slow to deliver my tired feelings. I need some rest... maybe winter break? It's getting near Christmas and I'm no where near ready!! I got my secret santa present (YAY!!!!! QOTSA!!! YAY!!! ) But... I'm not going to listen to it until Christmas... at home my sister and I have organized a big tradition of collecting all presents from everywhere and opening them all at once (we had 120 one time). It helps give something to look forward to. And we don't do that whole one present for one person thing. It's at least five presents for one person. And that's why I'm so behind!! But we all are. I am a very materialistic person, which is why I love but am afraid of holidays like Christmas. Stuff and money just makes me happy. I mean, other than the bragging rights, it just gives me some refuge from hell and torture (a.k.a. school). I have something to look forward to when I have stuff. And, I enjoy the stuff to the last drop. Especially my music. Ah~~ I just have to hear the new Queens of the Stone Age CD!!!

No one in my family is really Christian. At all. Actually, I loathe Christianity. But, Christmas is so fun! It's so funny how it's lost its religious meaning almost everywhere.

I should really advertise this thing and get a message board. You know... maybe I'll get one right now. I mean, how are people supposed to know how I feel if they don't know this exists? Except the problem is... do I WANT people to know what I feel? And who CARES what I feel? I personally don't care what anyone feels. I only care about myself. Mwahaha.

Here is an exerpt from a MM journal entry. I love that last part. How witty. And his cat is adorable. I do love my Jonathan Davis and Trent Reznor but they have dogs (yuck!). Brian (Marilyn Manson) has a cat!! And it's sooo cute!! And he does paintings of it! Hey, if someone out there rich feels that they want to make me really, really, happy, you can get me a painting done by Marilyn Manson! Just go to the site. Thanks! -->

THROUGH THE PAIN GATE. (Do mirrors sleep and do they have feelings? Or—“90 days of Sodom”)

Hello, it’s good to be home. Sometimes the fine print in my Faustian contract eludes me and I forget how little time there is to accomplish so much. BUT THE IMPORTANCE IS TO ALWAYS:
1—Do anything creative. Who cares what people think of it.
2—After all, art is only one ‘f’ short of what most people’s opinions smell like.

Lily (Brian's cat) and a painting of his entitled "Jon Benet"

2002-11-27T21:56:00.000-05:00

Dysfunctional

Blah. I just took this personality test and look at my beautiful results. I have major issues. Geez. No lows. But at least no very highs!

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

2002-11-24T21:25:00.000-05:00

ANTI-CHRIST

I am SO happy. I just got Mechanical Animals (for all you crazy non-rocky people, that's a Marilyn Manson CD. Not the new one. Just the second newest one.)
I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It's beautiful. So, I'm now in an atheistic mood. I can't believe you people who say it's not singing. I guess you people are just tone deaf.
He sings so well and nicely... And these lyrics are so great I mean, I just love this one: "god is just a sta-tis-tic". So true! Hahaha... One thing I love about these people is their anti-religious-ness. Yeah, some are sort of agnostic (unsure of if there is a god or not), but I love them all the same. But it's touching stuff: "I'm not a slave to a god who doesn't exist; I'm not a slave to a world that doesn't give a shit". Or KoRn's Hollow Life: "
Doesn't anybody wonder
Why we lept to the sky
Search in vain
Asking why
All alone
Where is god
Looking down
We don't know".

Okay, so that's not exactly anti-religious. But close enough for me. And still great lyrics... questioning life and the universe... Now I think I'm gonna go off and try to decipher these hidden messages on my new CD's case... (there's yellow words on blue patterns that I can't read all over the place. It seems to want me to insert it into the jewel case which is blue, but this doesn't work... I still can't read it!!)

When you want it
It goes away too fast
Sometimes you hate it
Always seems to last
Just remember
When you think you're free
The crack inside your fucking heart is me.

2002-11-18T19:49:00.000-05:00

REVIEW

I will try to keep this up. So... maybe you all need a quick introduction to moi. You may AIM me at kornyhatemachine or e-mail me at noin_of_oz@yahoo.com for any comments. Now... music is a very important aspect of life to me, so for you to know me, you must know the top ten songs that I feel best describe myself. Here they are in no particular order:

1. The Great Below by Nine Inch Nails - Beautiful, beautiful song. I'm not exactly looking for a "she"... but I could use this "she" as a metaphor for death, which seems like Trent is somewhat doing. Or maybe my English classes have just made me too analysis-happy.

2. Hollow Life by KoRn - Already the title fits my life. And, the lyrics are awesome. You know, I think I'm gonna have to post lyrics every couple of posts to force-feed this music to you people.

3. Three Libras by A Perfect Circle - I'm not much of a Tool fan, but I love A Perfect Circle! This song is beautiful and the video is intriguing with a very NIN-teresting-looking Maynard. (Heh... meaning very long pretty hair). But, aside from that, this song is wonderful. "You don't see me..." sounds great repeated over and over and over. And I'm running out of synonyms for "good".

4. A Gift for You by KoRn - Well... I don't really associate with most of these lyrics. The "I hate you, can't you feel the pain" is perfect, though. And the song just has this... this aura. Makes you sad although it isn't.

5. Creep by Radiohead - Okay, so maybe I'm not a creep. But I sure feel like one. So, this song is great. I can really associate with this one... although I'm not much of a radiohead fan.

6. Closer by Nine Inch Nails - for all the guys reading this list. Hahaha. Yeah, everyone would hate me for putting this on the list. Yes, I know, this is a way too mainstream NIN song, and real NIN fans are not supposed to like it. And, I don't really like laughing at it. I don't think it's a funny song. And I'm not a super hornymatekachine or something. It just has such a beautiful beautiful music video. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the beating heart and spinning pig's head and tied up Trent and crucified monkey and naked people with eggs spinning on their fingers.

7. Eva by Orgy - I mean, it's about the guy's dead mommy! That is TOUCHING. Very very. And, with a beautiful melody, beautiful lyrics, beautiful riffs, beautiful everything, this makes it perfect. Maybe these lyrics don't explain my life, but I just have to put an Orgy song on here or else you people will think I don't like them.

8. Passenger by Deftones - I love the melody!!! This would describe my life if I knew the lyrics... uh... but great song.

9. Freaking Out by Adema - Hey, gotta support Jon's bro! And, yes, this helps because I have no "freaking out" songs on this list. I mean, do you know anyone else with lyrics like these wonderful frusterated ones? That is why rock is supreme! They don't sing about love, love, love all the time! They sing about practical stuff: philosophy, religion, the universe, suicide, being left out, freaking and stressing out, death... everything!!

10. Alone I Break by KoRn - Yet another self-explanatory KoRn song. Their new single too, with that kid directing it. It really questions life and the world, and I like it.

You pop people are shallow. Now download these ten songs and you will be forever changed. All have good melodies AND good lyrics. None of that stupid screaming or shouting stuff. I seriously hate music with only shouting. I NEED a melody and tune with good lyrics. So you people who say it's just shouting are not listening and giving it a change. And, these are the especially nice mellow ones so DOWNLOAD THEM!

2002-11-13T20:30:00.000-05:00

This is pretty, I guess. I really don't see who'd read this, though. And it's no fun in making. Maybe I'll make a new KoRn site. Yeah. I miss that good old thing.

2002-11-13T20:22:00.000-05:00

I am starting this freaky live journal business. I do not see the point. But maybe I will enjoy it later. Maybe. I have no idea what to talk about right now. Ah well. Let me get to editing.